Tear Soup

I am writing this entry as a personal moment in my life. Comments and concern are not necessary on behalf any reader. I just needed a place to write my feelings.

After the funeral of my mother I went right back to work. I started a Glee Club at my school and I had plans that everything would return to normalcy. When I realized this was not going to happen as quickly as I thought, I became frustrated.
My school counselor gave me a book called Tear Soup. After reading this book, meant for kids, I realized that grieving is a process, not just something you can put on a list and get done over the weekend. It happens when you are not expecting it. Sometimes grief is not convenient. Sometimes it is something someone says, a song, a moment when you can take a breath and think.
Things have forever changed in my life. Everyday I find something I want to talk to my mom about. Everyday I think "If my mom were here then..."
I have not been back to her grave, but I hope to this weekend. I left the burial site quickly because I was concerned about helping with the luncheon. I should have stayed longer.
I still have thank you cards to write.
I can't find the humor in Halloween yet. Maybe it is because I had to pick out a coffin recently.
I had to do a lot for the funeral itself, and now, I know there is more work to do. I need to help my dad clean and go through clothes. I need to call my dad more and make sure he is remembered on special days.
I need to take my kids to the park more.
I need to make sure I am doing more with the kids.
I need to figure out what I am going to do next school year that would benefit all the kids.
My mom used to help me make sense of everything.
My mom could always make me feel better.
Now I am supposed to make everyone else all better? Now I am supposed to know what to do?

Mom died three weeks ago. It feels like she has been gone longer.
I miss my mom.